A Series of Pointless Events
by ooWhiteFox
Summary: This is an aggregation of all my pet peeves in Hermione/Draco stories. In other words, it's the works of many other authors all stewed into one sadly true spiel. Enjoy.


It was a cold Christmas Eve and Hermione stood in the cold shower, gasping as it hit her girlish body. Once she had gotten used to the freezing water, she first took her washcloth and lathered it with soap, washing her face, arms, underarms, chest, stomach, unmentioned parts (You did NOT just read that…), and finally finishing with her toes. Then she rinsed, and shaved her legs and armpits. She then turned the water to warm, screaming in pain when she accidentally turned it too hot. Once she had gotten over the agony, she washed her hair first with shampoo, then conditioner. Then she rinsed, got out of the shower, and dried off, dressing herself in blue panties, a pink bra, a pair of blue silk lounge pants, and a button-up shirt that said 'Foxy.' An owl tapped at the window, and Hermione went to open the window. She read the letter.  
"Ohmygod! I'm actually from a pureblood family!" She cried. She was now Hermione Blotty, instead of Granger! She cried at the thought of the parents she had always known had never actually been her real parents. Hey, she knew what this meant; Draco would now date her! She looked at herself in the mirror, and noted that her now blue hair was getting longer. She pulled out her knife and started cutting herself as she did every night. She had definitely changed dramatically over the past summer. She had filled out, and her curves were very curvilicious, and her boobs were now huge, and she had tamed her hair with the help of Ginny giving her a makeover. Oh no! She had completely forgotten about the Masquerade ball tonight! She got dressed and went down to the kitchens to get a quick snack, when she tripped on the stone floor, but suddenly felt herself being lifted by someone. When she turned to see who her rescuer was, there was no one. When she had gotten her snack she went back to the dormitory that she shared with the Head Boy, Draco. She came upstairs, and into her room. Someone was on the bed. She heard breathing.  
"Who's there?"  
"Draco, ya' dumbass," Hermione turned on the light, and saw Draco laying on her bed with only his black boxers on, his head on the pillow, looking at her seductively and licking his lips and winking and slapping his butt. She came to the bed and sat down next to him. He leaned up and whispered in her ear,  
"Hey pureblood baby…" He grasped her hips and kissed her, poking his tongue into her mouth. He explored every crevice of her -amazingly- sweet mouth, and pulled her down on the bed, unbuttoning her button-up shirt that said 'Foxy.' They continued to do this… thing, and…. Yeah, they did it.

**_SORRY! I DON'T WRITE THESE SCENES!_**

Hermione cursed herself for thinking of Draco in this way. _No! You should NOT like him! He is the enemy! Why am I doing this? NO NO! Draco is off limits. AHHHH! I just called him Draco! What is happening to me? Oh, but he is such a Slytherin Sex God… sigh_  
Hermione walked down the corridor. Crabbe and Goyle were walking the opposite way toward her, and when they spotted her they pulled up their sleeves and growled. Hermione was scared, and yelled, "Brisingr!"(For you Eragon fans out there) A blue fire shot out of her hands and scorched them, and they were deprived of their human forms and melted to the ground as tar-like ashes. A little black owl suddenly crashed into her. She opened the note it had tied to its leg.

_Hermione,  
Meet me in the astronomy tower during lunch.  
Love,  
Draco_

"Why is it that every time I have a meeting with someone it's always in the Astronomy Tower?" Hermione asked to no one in particular.  
That afternoon she went up to the Astronomy Tower, and… yeah… again, they-uh- did you know what. Professor Mcgonagal strode casually into the room, and screamed in horror at what she saw. Draco had put on the wrong clothes! He had Hermione's on! And same with her! The Professor was mentally scarred for life, and would have to spend the rest of her days in a dark room with candles and scary masks and an organ and a creepy locket that played creepy music and books about death and she'd have to wear black clothes and black lingerie and she'd have to dye her hair black and shop at Hot Topic and Spencer's and listen to Greenday and Underoath and Korn! OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Detention for both of you! In the Potion's Room! At twelve at night tomorrow! On a full moon! With Lupin locked in the room with you!" At that, she stood up and drove a wooden stake through Draco's heart. He died, and haunted Hermione for the rest of the day until the ball. Then he miraculously came back to life and went to the ball. The two danced, and at midnight they found out they were each other! "How romantic!" Hermione cried, kissing him. Draco had almost forgotten how sweet her mouth tasted. They suddenly got time warped to the next week and found that they had an arranged marriage!  
"OMG… soooooo romantic…" Hermione said dreamily. Dumbledore told them how he had noticed a change in them, and that he had cast a spell to make them fall in love. Hermione had actually given Draco a love potion that previous morning at breakfast.  
They walked into Draco's room, and the colors everywhere were Slytherin! It was annoying Hermione quite a lot. But, she got over it and they lived happily ever after with their marriage and Hermione's sweet-tasting mouth.


End file.
